Who should I speak to in Formal and Casual language in Korean?

An-nyeong! An-nyeong-ha-sae-yo!

Do you know what the difference is between these two ways of saying hello?

What about 'thank you'?

Go-ma-wo! Gam-sa-ham-ni-da?

One is formal and one is casual! But how different do they sound, right?

Arguably the biggest difference between Korean and Western culture is the concept of respect and formality. And this is directly reflected in the language.

The Korean language consists of two 'languages' - formal (jon-daet-mal 존댓말) and casual (ban-mal 반말) and which you use defines your entire relationship with that person.

Understanding this is definitely the most important before learning the language as it sets the entire foundations of the words and grammar.

So let's find out more about how we determine this!

Re-re-re-respect!

The word 'respect' as by Google defines the word as

Put simply, it's saying that we should 'respect' everyone equally.

However, 'respect' in relation to the Korean language means respecting certain people purely based on their hierarchy in comparison to yours. This is how we determine which 'language' we speak to them in as well as how we act around and towards them.

It's like how we say "respect your elders" but for Koreans, it's not just about the 'elderly'.

We must take into consideration three factors. Age, social hierarchy and personal relationship.

Age

In the western culture, the phrase 'respect your elders' refers to people who are a lot older than us but in Korean, your 'elder' could be someone who is only one year older than you.

So you could you be 15 and your elder is someone who is 16!

Age hierarchy is extremely important in Korean culture. If someone if older than you even by 1 year, you wouldn't even call them by their name, even if you're best friends or even actual siblings!! (Check out this FREE course on Korean pronouns).

The larger the age gap, the more respect you would give them and the less likely it is that the younger person would ever speak casually to the older if they're not family.

Social Hierarchy

Typically referring to work settings, if someone is above you on the social hierarchy, you need to speak to them formally. These are people like your boss, manager or team leader. Even if they are not your direct manager, if they are ABOVE you in hierarchy at the same workplace.

Other settings could be school! So your seniors in the higher years or your teachers.

Can you think of any other settings where this kind of hierarchy could exist?

Personal Relationship

This is the factor that will often trump all others. How close are you with that person?

This means that everyone in your immediate family (parents and siblings) you would speak to casually, as well as close friends.

But remember this.

Everyone you know outside of your family, you would've met for the first time at some point! When you FIRST meet anyone you always speak to them formally (unless they are a child!), because you have no personal relationship with them.

As the relationship evolves, this can change to casual language or it might stay formal.

This would depend on the TYPE of relationship you have with them. E.g. is it social or work-related?

Or if the gap of age or social hierarchy is large. E.g. your school teacher who you still keep a close relationship with as an adult, you would speak formally to no matter how long you know them for.

In more laid-back settings like work colleagues (on the same level of hierarchy) or meeting new friends - the older person may give permission to the other saying "Don't worry, you can speak to me casually".

This can happened very early on in the relationship, even during the first time you meet - it's up to the discretion of the older person. It's not considered polite for the younger person to initiate this or even ask permission.

Many Koreans will refuse this offer as it's imbedded in Korean mentality that it's not polite to speak casually to someone you don't know well.

Most commonly, it can happen naturally as the relationship gets stronger and deeper! Once you develop that trust and closeness, it doesn't need to be verbally agreed but a mutual understanding.

The grey areas

Let's look at a few unique examples.

Grandparents are older than you by decades, so you'd assume that you speak to them formally right? But it's actually fairly common for grandchildren to speak to their grandparents casually if they have a really close and special relationship.

The military is by far the most hierarchical setting in Korea.

This might be one of the only situations where status trumps all. Your senior might be younger than you, but you would still speak to and treat them with greater respect.

What if you are older than your boss? This can be a fairly common occurrence and in the majority of these relationships, these is mutual respect given to each other and both parties speak in the formal language.

Okay last one. Let's say that you met your bias in real life. What language would you speak to them in?

This is a really unique one.

Personally, I would speak in formal, but I know a lot of fans (especially if they are older than their bias) would speak casually.

Is this considered rude?? Arguable.

Language formality is all about 'closeness' right? The reason these wants want to speak casually to their celebrity is to feel like they actually know them!

That's why you'll often see celebrities also 'talk to' their fans in casual as well - to give them that feeling.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, there is no steadfast rule about this because it's all about the individual relationship you have with that person and your personality could also play a part.

Are you more extroverted and make friends easily? Or are you more on the shy side?

Give it a go yourself now!

Think about the people in your life. Who would you speak to formally and casually?